Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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