I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
