You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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