There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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