He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
