you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
