nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
