we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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