So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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