I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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