so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
