i can't believe i had my finger in that
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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