Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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