i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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