goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
