i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
