Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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