Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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