I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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