he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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