Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
