so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
