dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
