the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
