So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
