yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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