He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
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I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
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