Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
