Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
