i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
