'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
