if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
