So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
