Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
