dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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