Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
