So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I am morally bankrupt
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
