so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
