Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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