Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
