Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize