we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So many bounce houses so little time
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
