you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
