Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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