i don't like sucking hair
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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