my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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