isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
