he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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