tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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