Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
