I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
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The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
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I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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