woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
