and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
