if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
