i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
