god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
