4 words: hood of his car
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
