This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
