just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
