billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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