Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
