Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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