textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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