you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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