If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
