Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
