My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
