I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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