I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
