dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
