my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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