no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
