His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
