can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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