How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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