I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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