When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
