If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
