so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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