Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She even gives head with a lisp.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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